Ameliorate This Heart

I'm letting this you go
like I've done before
like I'll do again
each new pedestrian epiphany
sharpening a character
a compilation
a part I enjoy playing
when given the chance

Whatever it is this time
feels special
and I write that
knowing full well it's a lie
a white knight preaching providence
from a horse on high
as grass stains are a pain
even in the 21st century

This is an ordinary love
the sort of thing I'll keep with me
I'll tie it to your name
and your nickname
and when the conversation turns
to famous female aviators
or Canadian wildlife
I'll share a smile with your memory

When I'm back to being all alone
your secrets will keep me company
honest nothings that matter
just the same
brief regressions
to a sleepy head
resting on a rising chest
murmuring in silent agreement

No one will fix this broken heart
because I like being broken
but you will make it better
even if it hurts
even if your abscence is painful
there is a you
a you I'll be loving
with every beat

(Not Quite) Human After All

We don't want to be fixed
because that implies we're broken
or capable of breaking
capable of forsaking culpability
as if we were robots
rocking out to a technologic
that makes our excuses 0s and 1s
on/off right/wrong true/false
emotionless outputs
in the prime time of our lives

If self-discovery were so simple
it would make life too long
the voyage cut short
circumvented by a checklist
that outputs a personality
a digitally accurate love
pairing you with the perfect person
but there's something about us
when we're face to face
makes me better, faster, stronger

I'm not your teacher
but I have some homework for you
burn these words
and roll in the ashes
watch for the inevitable phoenix
and figure out what it means
to be alive
to revolt against binary existence
to scratch that infinite itch
and find a fresh funk in every step

Unbirthday

Let's celebrate another day
begrudgingly
because the sun will come out tomorrow
and we're in agreement
that we'd rather stay wrapped up
till it does

Wrapped in this half-sleep
half-wishing we were asleep but not really
sort of cocoon
that stretches individual minutes
to their breaking point
stretches reality till it snaps

There's nothing special about today
only that you're here
which is the sort of event
I'd like to honor
even as it becomes a non-event
becomes something other than what it is

The Calculation

I end up tracing infinity
when I let my mind wander
finger wander
over so much newness
so much muchness

Answers don't come easy
questions harder still
to reduce this somethingness
into manageable terms
without dividing by zero

There's the temptation
to enter null as a future
as a present to that future
where presence of our past
will haunt these dreams

It's a snake offering salvation
in a single bite
a world of knowledge
of clearly crunchable numbers
apples with which to count

At best this is a gamble
and at worst the same
an investment in futures
in bonds and securities
paying unknowable dividends

Salvation and oblivion
are tied now to twin circles
invisible infinities
remainders adorning your flesh
where none should exist

Yesterday

Promise me tomorrow
just for today
for tomorrow needs its own promise
its own tomorrow

I'd like to trust you
to choose trust
in the face of tomorrows
without beginning or end

Someday we'll find our way
back to these words
these wards against the passage of time
against our own passage

I'd like to trust me
to choose you
in spite of what will come
in the infinity of each moment we share

One day at a time
doesn't work when I'm not with you
when there are tomorrows
promises I can't keep

Mononoke

We are still small

taking our time with the pomp

of each delicately sussed predilection

savoring the space

that each question leaves hanging

before it is filled with words

half of which will be forgotten

relegated to half-remembrances

Whether we believe in past lives

or after lives

or have any faith in life itself

doesn't really make a difference

it's just a gradual escalation

from favorites to fondnesses

the blunt being replaced

with the muted qualities of our selves

For we are indistinct creatures

capable of consuming the world

when our appetites are properly whet

shapeshifters who've forgotten

what our first form ever was

reminded only by the twinkling of an eye

that we were once stars

the same lights on which we feast

I seem to have slipped

into a potential full of promise

into an infinite

cultivated by those who came before

those who found shape worth taking

and decided to remain

spirits tied to the night sky

monsters that smile as they dine

Cinematic Mundanity

There's a pale blue sock
lying limp like a cliche
the sort of obtrusive object
that the camera will inevitably pan to

I'm loathe to move it
to break whatever movie magic
binds it to that sea of red
for the next few frames of this reel

Because it will be moved
when the director calls cut
and the apartment is put back together
forgotten objects will find a place

For now though it remains
for one beat in an endless conversation
it speaks as honestly as it can
a cliche carrying some simple truth